When I entered the hospital, one of the main things that they focused on was re-educating us on nutrition education and how all foods can fit into a healthy diet. Each of us was provided an individualized meal plan which included a certain number of "breads", "fats", "milks", "veggies", "fruit", "proteins", and "desserts" per day. These meal plans were created to either promote weight gain, weight maintenance, or weight loss (for those with binge eating disorder). I clearly remember entering the hospital and being told that vegetarian and vegan diets are not catered to at the hospital because many people with eating disorders will use them as an excuse to exclude foods from their diets and to restrict. Unfortunately this is extremely true and was certainly something, i too, fell into. Obviously, when a plate with meat on it is placed in front of you, you have the option to refuse to eat it, but eventually most people in the hospital fall into eating the plate of meat because they were never truly (ethically or morally) vegan or vegetarian to begin with. My refusal to eat meat, milk, cheese, butter, etc during that time in my life was not an ethical or moral standpoint, but rather a symptom of my eating disorder. Aside from the obvious factor that I was EXTREMELY underweight, I know this because had you offered me a vegan alternative such as vegan butter, vegan cheese, almond milk, soy milk,or faux meat... I would have also declined that option. I wasn't thinking about my personal health, animal cruelty, ethics, or environmental concerns, I was thinking about restricting and calories. As I began to gain weight, I became more comfortable with eating meat and including meat, cheese, milk, etc in my diet and began to enjoy the flavors of the food I was eating.
In the course of my recovery, I had to avoid becoming vegan or vegetarian because for me, it was a symptom of my eating disorder and I wasn't sure if I would be able to keep myself from relapsing if I began a vegan/vegetarian lifestyle. Each and every dietary move I made had to be assessed from several different angles to make sure that I was making that choice for the right reasons and not for the eating disorder reasons. I remember eating out at restaurants and seeking out the vegetarian/vegan option because they were "safer" and "healthier" and the meat meals. But still, I wasn't making vegetarian decisions because I ethically believed that vegetarianism was the right way, I was being controlled by my eating disorder which told me that meat, cheese, milk, fat, dessert, etc was going to make me fat. There would be times when I would need to choose between grilled fish and a vegetarian quesadilla and i would undoubtedly choose the fish because i was more concerned with the calories than the ethics of eating meat.
As years passed and I became more confident with my ability to feed myself properly and choose foods that met my dietary needs, I got a little more creative with my meals and was finally able to make meals because i wanted them and not because my eating disorder was telling me what to eat, when to eat, and how to eat. I still had a red flag about being vegetarian and especially vegan because i thought it was extremely restrictive and would absolutely lead me to relapse. Through a series of events in my life in the last year, I was lead to learning more about the vegan lifestyle and the ethics that coincide with it. Everything I learned about being vegan tugged on my soul and stood true with my own personal ethics and morals, but I was still conflicted with believing that vegan diets are restrictive so I did my own research and found that to be entirely untrue. While I could have certainly become vegan and been extremely restrictive and only eaten fruits and veggies as I did when I was anorexic, my research taught me that the vegan lifestyles itself is not a restrictive one. In essence I was put at a crossroads to decide if I would hold true to the vegan lifestyle that I had read about and been convicted by or if I would become vegan in a truly "eating disordered sense" and use it as a restrictive measure.
I decided that the only "right" way to proclaim myself a vegan would be to do it for the ethical treatment of animals, my own personal health, the environment, and the health of the world. In order to meet each of those ethical benchmarks, I needed to be vegan in a healthful/nonrestrictive sense with an emphasis on my "own personal health". The reason I became anorexic in the first place was because I went on a self seeking diet to become "healthy". Becoming vegan has finally allowed me to seek out that goal of being "healthy" in a truly "healthy" way all the while promoting the ethical treatment of animals, environmental health, and health of the world. I certainly needed to educate myself on accessing all of the appropriate nutrients in order to meet the needs of my body. During that time I learned so much about the benefits of a vegan lifestyle in terms of weight, health, etc... I have eaten a much more flexible and adventurous diet since becoming vegan because I have taken it upon myself to cook a variety of nutrient packed, delicious meals that are good for my body, the planet, and the animals. I feel good about what I eat because I am confident that I am doing what it right for my body and I am giving my body what it truly desires and needs to survive. Becoming vegan after making large strides towards recovery has really helped me to feel better about myself and my body knowing that I am doing so much good through my dietary choices. I have always been a global person and enjoyed knowing how my decisions impact the global world and being vegan has helped me to create a full circle with how my eating and dietary concerns impact our global world. Knowing this helps to encourage me to continue doing good for my body by nurturing it with good vegan food in order to give me the energy and motivation to physically serve the global world as well. All around.... I believe that my decision to become vegan has helped me to recognize my place in the global world and helped me to incorporate my personal and physical well being into that equation. I am a volunteer and missionary, and by being vegan I feel that I am a missionary for the world through my diet 365 days a year by helping to combat world hunger and climate change.... Its absolutely rewarding to know that I am making an effort to fight world hunger through the meals that I prepare for myself.
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